Monday, June 2, 2014


Here I come again with my little self confession. I have disappeared for quite awhile. It always happens to me. If I'm happy you won't see me, but if my happy mode switches off I'm on here. Who can I talk to when I don't really want these issues of mine effect others. I have to say that Western culture is pretty good with this. They have counsellor for every issue that human being have.

Anyway, it's good to be back to my writing again. I am not sure how long it will last me to be on here though. I often think that the time when I am more artistic or poetic is when I'm lonely and depressed. It's weird isn't it? I have never had the issue with depression but ever since I came to Canada depression is a part of my life. Who could have thought a person who had never worried about life back then is now super stressful and have no idea what to do with her life. I worry so much that I just want to disappear from this world for good. Well there was time that I wanted to kill myself but I didn't because I thought of how precious life is and if I killed myself I will be in sin with my own religion and my own body. So I let the universe decides whenever it wants to take me.

I miss the time when I was a teenager. I miss the time when I was in middle school. I miss those moments of life. I wish I could go back to those times to redo it all over again and this time I would make sure I lived to the fullest of a teenager. I used to think what was the purpose of a person life. You are born. You grow up and go to school for 12 years and then go to college or university for another few years then you get married and have kid and then life goes on like that. Whenever I thought about it, it was boring to me. I wanted something else. I wanted an adventure. I think I have it now; a very complicating one. I think I'm scared.

I don't know why I always wish I could fly like a bird, soaring on the sky freely. I think I'm trapped in my own soul.