Though I am in a better place right now, it still gives me goose bumps every time I think about the life I have once had. The world is full of surprise and be careful of what you wish for because you may just get it. Or in other words, you might be able to get it, but it would be slightly different than what you expect.
Back then, I thought I was nut for wishing to be able to go back to the past to witness all that had happened. I mean, way back in the ancient time. The further the past, the better for me. My boyfriend even said that I was crazy for wanting to go to the past where there were no T.V, no internet, no oven, no washing machine, no soda, no candies, especially no toilet and toilet paper. For some reasons, I was intrigued to want to discover those times. It felt like I should live in the past instead of the present that I once lived.
Then, sometimes I wish I could go back to my high school years where I could fulfill my duty as a student. I missed so many classes and so many chances to catch up with people my ages. I was always the older in my class because I missed three years of school. It was a bit embarrassing because I was supposed to be the bigger sister to my classmates instead of being on the same level as them. It had sadden me every time I thought about it. I often asked why my fate had to be like that. Why did I have to miss 3 years of shcool. Why, why and why,...? Then sometimes I was just happy because it was the way it was at that present because if it wasn't for all that, I wouldn't have ended up with one of the man that I had loved so much.
I was a total confused, greedy person who wanted it all. Who wanted to do everything by herself. Who wanted to build a business for her family. Who tried so hard to create a working system so she could relax and travel the world for business. It was tough and there was time I wanted to give up all that. I always wanted a simple life and be happy with what I had. I couldn't have it because I still felt there was burden on my shoulder that I had to resolve before I could live my simple life. If I ran away, I was being selfish and not caring about my family.
I didn't want to hate my life, but I just wished that it could be better than the life I had gone through. I wished I was born in a better family where there were Mom and Dad. I wished I were a princess who would live in doll house like fairy tale. Even though I was quite a realistic person, I sometimes wished those things. Still I accepted the fact that it was what it was. I could never change the fact that I had to get up on my own and do everything by myself.
To be continued ....